A Break

I need a break…

…from everything Social Media related. You know how exhausting it is to dedicate a lot of time and energy to social media, yet why do I do this? Who do I do this for? Myself? My friends? The rest of the world? Certainly, they don’t care about me, so why do I?

I am supposedly a millennial yet I really don’t want to be. I loved the simple times, where I could enjoy time out with friends with no phones buzzing or rings every few minutes cutting into really important conversations. 

I need a break. But do I temporarily close my accounts, or simply remove any data related to social media from my phone, laptop and tablet? I have removed Instagram before, and it was somewhat freeing. I don’t have Facebook on my phone, yet I am not the only issue. I see that when I am out with my friends and family, no one knows how to hold a conversation, so I am left staring at the walls and admiring the decor. 

Social media has additionally ruined family time. How? My father is always online shopping. When he’s home, his phone is always up to his face. After, he leaves. Lovely. My mother, on the other hand, is entranced by these games that take over her time. My friend is the wall and the wall is my friend. Sad isn’t it? I speak to myself because I only have myself. 

Isn’t this solitude? Removing all social media accounts? Don’t do it? Is it though? Aren’t I already solitary? Thinking that numbers actually matter? 

How sad. 

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Working at Night 🌒

Do you know a night owl or someone that says they’re a night owl? I considered myself to be one a few years ago, but it all ended when I finished my first dissertation. I spent two whole days working on it up until I submitted it and oh to bed I went. I think I slept for 15 hours the first day and another 12 hours the next day just so that I could catch up and focus on studying for my finals and not be like this when I see the paper:

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I don’t know what it is, but I feel more productive at night. There is so much going on during the day that I can’t really concentrate on one task; receiving emails, phone calls, messages and a whole nother level of annoyances via email (spam and discounts left right and centre). At night, the world is asleep; well at least where I live everyone is asleep, and the island is silent.

The setup would be something as follows. Of course, I would have my laptop where all the magic happens – mostly assignments. I connect the second monitor just in case I wish to binge watch two seasons in one night or watch some Youtube videos. Sometimes, I prefer just getting my headphones and listen to some loud club music. I feel as though this is sort of my coping mechanism to focus and I am actually able to read and understand what I’m reading.

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In Winter, I’m mostly an early bird now as I have to get up for work in winter (I work in a school so at the moment I’m on summer break). I have to try and be productive during the day – sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. giphy (1)

 

This summer I had to write another thesis in the hopes of getting a Masters degree. It isn’t done yet and I am failing miserably during the day, but at night I feel I work better and it takes me back to my degree days. I am hopeful that this is my last dissertation but who knows maybe a PhD is in the works for me, by way, way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the future.

Do you consider yourself as an early bird or a night owl? Let me know in the comments below.

Stay happy, stay you.

Your virtual friend,

Audrey

The “F” Word

I am writing this blog post because I am seriously thinking of other things that would result in nothing. I am frustrated, frustrated to a point where I want to scream until my vocal chords bleed.

I feel as though I am frustrated at everything and at everyone. There are days where my frustration is sky high, and I can’t help it because I am human too. The level of frustration today can be seen in this GIF:

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Breathe in, breathe out.

I am a 24-year-old, still living with her parents with no excitement in her life whatsoever. You can imagine that at this point in my life I wish I could have already moved out, but financially, I can’t buy a place or not even rent one because prices are sky high! I’ve lived on my own before, and that’s what makes it 10x worse.

I am highly stressed and on the verge of giving up at the moment because I should be writing a dissertation but today all I want to do is chill in bed, sleep and just have a mental break. My eyes feel dry, look red and weak, and all I can hear is my mum, complaining downstairs that I’m wasting time. Now instead of staying in bed, I’m killing my eyes with this laptop light, and my eyes are going dry again. I do understand why my mum is going on and on about my thesis, but seriously I need a flipping break. I’m tired. I’m sleeping at 3am and waking up at 9am every day.

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The worst part is that everyone in the household then gets mad, but I apparently can’t. I’m unquestionably frustrated, my mum starts to comment on stupid things and then my dad gets frustrated. I mean come on!!!

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My psychologist told me that I’m frustrated and that I should find an outlet. WELL, HERE IT IS.

Not to mention, I’m on a diet, so all I hear is salad, protein and grilled vegetables. No pizza, or burgers or chocolate or ice-cream. All the things that make me happy have been stripped away. Not to mention the frustration I have with my body at the moment. I’m eating all this healthy food, going to the gym and trying my best yet I still see myself as a large round Oompa Loompa. All I can see on social media is burgers with cheesy buns, every type of pasta, large pizza slices and oh, the cakes!

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I am trying not to break my keyboard while I write this blog post because you know, I’m frustrated, as I’ve clearly mentioned a couple of hundred times. I just want to get through today without breaking something.

What do you do when your frustration levels are through the roof?

Stay happy, stay you.

Your virtual friend,

Audrey

Making Decisions…

I decided to do something very bold, and I don’t know whether it will work long-term, but I just needed to try. Yesterday, out of the blue, I decided to remove apps from my phone: Facebook, Messenger, Instagram and Snapchat. Recently, I have been considering deleting all my social media because I am currently going through a phase where I don’t like social media and I don’t like all the time I’m wasting on social media.

I’ve lived in a time where social media was not a thing, and people talked to each other and played simple games. Oh, how times have changed. I, sometimes, miss those times because it is not something we can go back to, but it is something that is now over and done with.

I have restricted myself to using Facebook and Messenger on my laptop. As for Instagram, I haven’t decided whether I should leave it or not as I am in love with photography, but I am not really feeling the need to validate my photographic work with likes and followers. It becomes way too much at some point, so I decided to stop.

So far, I haven’t really picked up my phone to check social media. I feel liberated to some extent. I don’t really seek my phone any more. It might change at some point, but for now, I love it. I wish to enjoy more time with my family, more time with my friends and truly enjoying the moment.

The people I have told, they all looked at me like a crazy person. “Why did you do it?”, “What happened?”. Nothing happened. I just need a break from all these social media. Time off my phone, and enjoying time outside and time for myself.

I will update you if this works, or if it doesn’t and I go mad and download them all over again.

Stay happy, stay you.

Your virtual friend,

Audrey

 

 

Facing (one) of my FEARS

I did it.

Oh geez.

I posted my first video on Youtube, showing my face.

Will this continue? Possibly, yes. I enjoyed filming it as well as looking bat sh*t crazy. I also love the editing process!

I won’t continue writing because this is ultimately about a video…

Here goes nothing.

Stay happy, stay you.

Your virtual friend (now in video format),

Audrey